Dreams of a first love
04th January 2014
Wehaay, first post of 2014! Hope you all had a smashing New year. After what feels like eons, it was brilliant to be around my family for a while. Such occasions always bring back such wonderful childhood memories for me. Nothing beats being a 10 year old on Christmas day. Those little flashbacks carry with them endless happiness. This year, there have also been some other happy memories making appearances in my head.
It began about a month ago now, in small and fleeting flashes. I've always enjoyed small but vivid flashbacks from my recent and distant past, but these are different. In a fraction of a second, they would bring back the beauty of hot sunny days spent on trips to new places with a special someone. The long walks in the hot sun, and the evenings spent battling it out in Borderlands (or bombing GLaDOS in Portal). Who else could it be, lol! My first love.
In the warm sunny spring of 2012 when I had only just discovered my true self, I met my first partner. In reality the time we spent together was something near to perfect, but my fears and insecurities caused me to break away after a couple of months. It was a truly impossible decision that I later came to regret.
Back to present day, and some of these most wonderful and intimate memories are finding their way to the surface at an ever increasing rate. It's brilliant re-living these small moments that I had all but forgotten about. Its also causing me to wonder what we might have become if I'd have let things carry on.
I mean, in the two months or so we spent together, his hobbies and interests took hold of my curiousity. He introduced me to servers and clients, HTML and PHP. We built stuff together, hacked stuff together, wrote code together. I love computers and the incredible workings of the internet now, but only because of the introduction I was given. If I'd have stayed and let my interests developed, could we have done incredible things together?
I guess there's no point in dwelling on things too much though. The person I am today was heavily influenced by the time we had, and I only wish we could have done more of the things we both enjoyed doing together. At least I can enjoy the flashbacks for a little longer, before they disintegrate and disappear like all of them do in time. I can't wait for the summer, and a new spread of opportunites. Life is what you make of it, guys and girls. Enjoy it all you can.