vervainglobal logo
Intro / Cookies

Vervainglobal is all about challenging technology to make it do the things you want it to do. With heavy focus on low cost, minimal tools and simplicity, virtually anyone can learn how to create and modify tech to their needs. Articles here focus on both hardware and software hacking, and will teach you how it all works through practical learning. Please note: Third party cookies are used by vervainglobal. By continuing to browse this site, you agree to their use. Learn more here.

Grindr and the Monogamous Relationship

WARNING! Unsuitable for young readers. -- This article focuses on gay lifestyle and discusses features including cruising and relationships while also expressing personal opinion. If you think any of these areas may offend or otherwise cause you discomfort, please use the "back" button to exit this article.


Its about 4am, and I can't sleep again. Anyway, here goes... [14/12/2013].

A new age of hook-ups

The smartphone has changed the way we modern people live our lives. Ten years ago if you wanted to re-stock your fridge, you went to the supermarket. Today? There's an app for that. Back then if you wanted to check your bank balance, you had to find an ATM. Now, its right there on your phone. Ten years ago if you wanted discreet sex with a virtual stranger you'd go to some public bathroom and tap your foot on the floor. In 2013.... You get the idea.

There are dozens of these apps out there, mostly for free. The best known has to be Grindr. The people who frequent these apps generally love them. And yet, lets admit it, you're embarrassed if someone catches you on it. You clamp the phone to your chest when your mate walks up beside you. That's bad, but worse are the gay men using these apps behind their own boyfriends backs. Still worse are the ones who tell their partners "Its just to make friends".

Now we gay guys already have the odds stacked against us. They say a years worth of relationship in the gay world is like 10 in the straight world. Most gay men have just one need to fulfil. That said, there are some guys out there who work on a relationship with one guy. Sadly, as in almost any relationship, they will at times feel desires of another kind. The new world of anonymous cruising applications makes it easier to "take a peek". But its a slippery slope.

A gay app meme joke

What's wrong with having a look, you say? Nothing at all - if you're single. But increasingly we seem to be getting guys in relationships edging their way into this dark underworld, bleating on that they are "Just here to make friends". LULZ. You ain't foolin' no one. Pretty soon this guy goes and meets one of these "friends", alone... Instead of tackling these arising issues with their partner, they now discreetly sneek off and get a dirty quick fix.

"But my partner has that app"

I'm gonna lay my cards on the table. Until recently, I was in a long term committed monogamous relationship. But that came to an end. I got cheated on. Several different guys over nearly a year. Where did they come from? Oh yeah, the apps.

When I first got with my ex, I joyfully informed the world of my pull, and promptly deleted Grindr. Oh what a proud day! But a few months passed and it became apparent that my partner was still using the app. A conversation about it revealed it was "just to keep in touch with old friends", and he even suggested that I should re-install and get chatting. So I did, but not many of these people seemed to want that kind of non-sexual friendship. Don't get me wrong, there were a few nice chatty people on there, but they were FEW and far between. My partner spent hours every day using it, and insisted on using it alone or in the shower.

It wasn't long before the first problems came along. Some people thought it funny when I told them of our exclusive relationship. I ignored them, but it just didn't stop there. Little hints and remarks from others questioning my partners' motives became more common. His ever more shady behaviour added to the mix, as I would often enter the room to see his face glowing that unmistakable orange, before the app was quickly closed. But eventually, after a year, the truth came out.

So where am I going with this? Well, before you call it out, I don't "hate" Grindr, or any of these apps. What I dislike is that so many people come on the app, broadcasting to everybody how they are partnered, and people are still willing to help them cheat. Now you wouldn't like it if it happened to you, so why engage and help these filthy people? If they are asking you for NSA but telling you not to tell their partner, that is a definite no no. Yes, they are in the wrong for doing that, but so will you be by assisting them.

Now you're thinking "Why should I care if he has a partner"? Well, several reasons really. First, its morally wrong, and that should be reason enough on its own. You also know deep down that someday, your simple desires will bring down what could have been a long lasting, strong relationship. Then there's the whole disease risk (to the innocent partner). And lets face it, most cheaters have poor morals and personalities, (and a horrible body, ha ha!). But seriously, the gay community is f****d up enough as it is. Don't make it any worse, cause its pretty low already... Anyway, time for bed, on my own (Thanks guys!). Goodnight everybody :-)